When did being yourself become something you have to get right?
It’s strange how we’re expected to fit in while still finding ways to stand out. We’re encouraged to fit in, but not too much. Be relatable, but also unique. How are we supposed to be ourselves when we’re constantly worrying about how other people see us?
I think social media makes this even harder because we’re constantly seeing what everyone else likes and does. We’re constantly seeing the same ideas recycled by different people, and it feels like we’re waiting to see what’s popular before deciding what we actually like. It’s nice to have things in common with other people, but when everyone follows the same trends, what makes us different?
I’m currently reading On Writing Well by William Zinsser, and in Chapter 5, he talks about this idea through writing. He says writers shouldn’t focus so much on pleasing their readers that they lose their own voice, but they can’t ignore their readers either. At first, I thought this was contradictory. How are you supposed to write for yourself while still making people want to read what you’ve written? I honestly struggled to understand his point at first, but then I started thinking about how it applies outside of writing, too. We do something similar when we think about how other people see us. We want to express ourselves, but we also want to be accepted. In writing, you have to think about your audience without letting them decide what you say. In everyday life, the same is true. You can care about what other people think without letting their opinions decide who you are.
It’s easy to get caught up in what everyone else likes, especially when it feels like everyone is interested in the same things. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being influenced by other people. We all are, and sometimes someone else introduces us to something we end up loving. But there’s a difference between discovering something through someone else and feeling like you have to copy them. The hard part is knowing when you’re choosing something because you genuinely like it and when you’re choosing it because everyone else does.
The more you try to appeal to everyone, the less interesting you become. I think it’s worth asking ourselves what we would actually choose if we weren’t so worried about other people’s opinions. Not because we need to be different from everyone else, but because we should be able to like what we like without feeling like we have to justify it. What would we choose if we weren’t so worried about how it looked to everyone else?
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